Thursday, May 13, 2010

You Gotta Face The Clouds To Find The Silver Lining....


I got to see my sweet baby again today.

The blessing in disguise of having a complicated pregnancy is that every time I've seen the doctor, so far, I've also gotten to see my baby on the screen.  The greatest blessing is that baby is doing very well and growing right on schedule despite mommy not feeling very good.  The high risk OB has changed around some of my medications and has ordered a new FDA approved non medicated treatment for the hyperemesis gravidarium called Prima Bella.  I should hopefully have that by Friday.  I'm hopeful that we are going to turn a corner with this thing soon so I can get back to life a little bit.

On the deployment front... I have to be honest.  Some days are harder than others.  Some nights seem colder and lonelier without him here.  Sometimes the phone call is just not enough, when I need to feel his arms around me...  when I need that comfort of knowing I am not in this alone.  Sometimes I just have to allow myself to fall apart, so I can pick up the pieces and keep going.  We made the choice together, that it was best for me to stay here in our home where I could be close to the doctors who would follow me from the beginning of pregnancy through delivery.  While we both know that was definitely the best choice, it's not always the easiest.  It's very hard to be so far away from family and friends at a time in my life where I feel very helpless, and could quite frankly use the help of family and friends..  Even the most mundane task like getting to the grocery store or the pharmacy has become a monumental undertaking some days.

Sometimes I just need a whole lot of faith to get through the day... and the night.  I just keep reminding myself that we have to face the clouds to find the silver lining.  When this deployment is over, we will have achieved a lot of things as individuals, as a married couple and as a new little family.  It's only the beginning... and in the bigger picture, it is only a small blip in time.  We'll make it through this... and the next several months are not going to last forever.    The great thing about time is that it's constant.  You can't make it go any faster, but it never goes any slower either. It just keeps right on going.

Normally, my husband is the one that listens to KLove exclusively.  It's not that I don't absolutely love KLove - but sometimes a girl has gotta have her country tunes for a little awhile and usually when I'm in the car alone is my country music time.  Since my husband deployed, KLove is the only thing that's been on my radio stations - even in the house.  This song, by Kutless has come on every single time that I have had the radio on.  At this point, I just keep telling myself to have faith.

"I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do
That's what faith can do!
Even if you fall sometimes
You will have the strength to rise"

If faith can do all that... it can get us through this too.


Kathryn said...

I am glad your pregnancy is going well, isn't it wonderful to see your little one on the ultrasound! I loved having all 3 of my ultrasounds! I know that it would be a tough decision about where to stay when pregnant, but I think it was a good decision and one I would have made as well. It would be better to stay close to your doctor in case anything happened. Stay strong! :)

ATALW said...

That song gets me through a lot tough times too. :-)

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