Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Steaming Inside

Under normal circumstances, I really don't care what others think about me or my marriage because different things work for different people, and we're all different so there is no point in judging someone else.  However, since finding out the wonderful news that my husband and I are expecting a baby I have been bombarded with some of the rudest questions and assumptions I have heard in my life.  I am absolutely floored, and my blood is boiling.

Yes, I really didn't know I was pregnant when my husband left for his deployment.  I actually took a pregnancy test the morning before he left and it came out negative.  I only took a test to reassure us both (mostly me) that my cycle was wacky due to all the chaos and stress we'd been dealing with.

A couple weeks after he left, while stranded in Colorado during a huge spring snowstorm, I came down with what I thought was just a virus or possibly a kidney infection.  I ended up in an Urgent Care after several days of trying to fight off this illness on my own.  It did not even cross my mind to ask them to perform a pregnancy test, I saw absolutely no need.  It is the standing policy at that facility to do a pregnancy test on any female, ages 10-55, who presents with any symptoms that could be attributed to pregnancy.  When that doctor walked into the exam room and said "you know you're pregnant, right?" I was in complete and total shock myself.  I even asked him to check again to make sure he had the right person!  The doctor I saw that day was one of two doctors that I've seen this pregnancy that did not assume I had cheated on my husband.  After talking with him for awhile, he calmly reminded me of the facts of biology and that I could have even conceived a few days after my husband had left and I wouldn't be the first that it had happened to.  We now know that was definitely not the case, and in fact this baby was conceived in love almost 2 weeks PRIOR to my husband's departure.

What I really don't understand is why there are so many people who look at me and automatically assume that because I am pregnant and my husband is deployed, I must have been unfaithful.  I really don't think that is a vibe that I give off, and I'd love to be corrected if I am wrong on this because that is absolutely something I would have to work on immediately.  Those who know me best, really know my heart and know that when I said "I Do" it was forever - not just in the good times or while he's home...  forever and for always.

Is it ideal that my husband is not physically here with me during the majority of this pregnancy?  Not in the slightest.  Oh, how I wish he had been able to be in the doctors office with me when I found out... or at that first ultrasound....  I am sad that he will only be at our gender ultrasound via phone, if we can even arrange that!  He will more than likely be home for the birth, and that is more than a lot of military husbands can say right now - so for that I will choose to be thankful.  I will choose to be glad that I can keep him updated via photos and videos sent in care packages from home.  I choose to focus on the positives instead of the negatives because this baby should be and will be nothing but a blessing!

I guess deep down, under the surface anger, I feel sad for those who have made the assumptions and accusations.  It may not be the case for all of them, but perhaps some of them are so insecure in their own lives and relationships so they just assume the worst instead of looking at the situation in a different way, that assumes the best or at least pauses to consider the facts and biology.  I  guess some of it could just be explained as plain ignorance.

I feel a greater sense of sadness because some of the people who have made these assumptions are not just doctors at some military base who I will never see again, they are closer to me than that and I expected different from them.  Truthfully, I'm not really sure how to express how hurt I am by their accusations without causing a lot of drama.  I guess the best thing I can do is continue living my life in a way that is pleasing to Christ and to my husband.  Living by example, I can hope that others will look at me and see that I am not tempted in any way, by anyone other than my husband.  I want others to look at me and see a woman who is falling more and more in love with her husband, the baby growing inside of her and God every day, through the blessing in disguise that is called deployment.  It's hard for him to be away, but it really doesn't have to be a horrible time in life either.

Everything is what you make it.  Deployment is an opportunity - for growth,  for strength, for courage.


Jessica Lynn said...

I'm a new reader, but had to tell you that I'm incredibly sorry you're going through something so joyful, but having to deal with these people are so cruel.

Sometimes life changes show us who are true friends are. Hopefully things start looking up! You're right, though. Everything is what you make it and deployments are an opportunity for growth, strength, and courage. You should make that your motto :) (I may steal it for myself!)

ATALW said...

I love you, Cathy!! And, I am so sad and maddened that anyone would even begin to think of and assume such horrible things about you. I know you better than they do obviously and I KNOW you'd NEVER do that... I am praying for you daily. *HUGS*

Stay as strong and positive as you can for both you and baby. Gummy bear needs you!!

The Kinglands said...


Sara said...

I'm sorry you've had to deal with this. Life is much too short and precious to open our hearts to voices like those. Seriously.

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