Tuesday, January 24, 2012

A mommy's worries

I had a post written up earlier today.  I couldn't tell you what it was about.  To be honest I'm not sure I have any words to write THIS post... but I'm trying.

My sweet baby girl has been sick for 38 days. We are have to be out of our house due to our PCS in about 4 days times. I have nothing packed. Nothing ready. I cannot do anything but focus on my little girl who is STILL sick.

We have consulted with 4 doctors and have done several different types of tests. We originally had an answer and while that is what triggered this whole thing, it has been treated and now we don't know why her symptoms have not gone away!  She has lost 3lbs in a month, has little appetite and not nearly as much energy or spunk as normal. She has had a fever for each of the 38 days despite numerous attempts of breaking it - it never does. This is just the beginning of her symptoms...

We will be seeing her pediatrician tomorrow. I trust her pediatrician to help us figure out what is going on. She may not have answers immediately, but the most pressing issue is whether or not we are missing something major.

This mommy is worried. I know God is in control and I am continually struggling with giving this over to Him. Why isn't He healing her? Why must she keep suffering?  Can't He hear her crying out in pain?  I know He has the answers..  my mommy heart wants them too. Every night as I rock her for hours while she alternates between nursing and crying out in pain, I just want to make it all better... and I can't. I don't even know how to begin trying. This breaks my heart.

There is so much resting on this appointment tomorrow...  Tonight my prayer is simple -- for God's peace and wisdom. Only He has the answers to all of these questions weighing on my heart. Only He knows if we will ever figure out what is keeping her sick for so long or if it will mysteriously disappear and she will be back to her spunky, fun loving self.

Please pray for my sweet Monkey.  Pray for this mommy to have the peace that comes ONLY from God.